When His Pants Burn (liar liar!)

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve been dating via the Internet for a while now. I’ve met some nice men. Not so nice men. Etc. But the ones that fascinate me are the lying liars who lie.

I met one man at match.com—the internet equivalent to clubbing but that’s a whole nother’ story. We agree to meet in downtown DC. He’s shorter than he said but that’s typical. Many women knock ten pounds off their weight in their profiles and most men add two inches. So that wasn’t a big deal. He seemed nice enough so we go to a bar to have a drink and chat.

Check the following conversation.
Him:“Do you smoke?”
Me:(after I pick my jaw off the floor) “No! Do you?”
Him: “Uh, yes. But everyone lies about that in their profile.”
Me: “No they don’t!” My voice get’s higher here. Now ‘only dog’s can hear it' high but it went up an octave
Him-laughing: “Well, that’s the worst lie I told.”
Me. I hesitate. Pick up my jaw again: "You mean there’s more?”
No answer
Me: “Well, as long as you’re divorced.”
Loooooonnnnnnnggg silence
Me: “You’re not divorced yet, are you?”
Him: “No, But I’ve been separated for a really long time.”
Oh. My. God. What a trainwreck! At this point, I have a choice. I can storm off in an indignant but righteous huff or...I can make him pay. Hmmm. What to do what to do...
He is so buying me dinner.
Me: “Let’s just have dinner and we’ll see what’s what.”

I order everything and while I don’t pay in money, I do pay. He spends the entire meal staring at my breasts. What an asshat.

Dinner ends (thank God!). He walks me to my car.
Him: "Would you like to come back to my boat?" The oogling told me what he really wanted.
Me staring in disbelief. “I am not having sex with you. Ever.”
Him: "It wouldn’t be sex. It would be making love.”
Seriously. He said that. Do I look new?
Me: “Does that line work. Ever?”
I turned and left him standing on the sidewalk.

Lesson learned? I can only hope so but I doubt it. Next!

Still Hot!

I was an archaeologist once upon a time, and I know that part of the decision to become one was because of Indiana Jones. Smart. Savvy. And H.O.T. even when he was at his grubby best. Any man that does what is right--no matter what--has huge appeal.

To this day, the sight of a man in a fedora and the sound of a whip is uber-sexy.

May 22--Indy returns!

Voice Mail Jail

You only have to read my Adventure in Tech Support to know how much I LOATHE Voice Mail Jail. You know--pushing prompt after prompt after prompt until you either reach a person or snap. I used to push zero repeatedly until I got somewhere, but companies have figured it out and now some simply send you back to the main menu. Bastards!!

Well, someone finally decided to do something about it and their name is GetHuman. They have a webpage with companies listed and what you need to push to get to a real, live person:

http://gethuman.com/

Enjoy!

The Votes Are In!

MUCH thanks to all who entered. It’s good to know there are people out there who give an idiot the 'verbal smackdown’ when needed. None of that, ‘I have the burning need to be nice even to those who don’t deserve it’ crap. Hell, I’d think twice about messing with you all! The replies were cutting, witty and in a number of cases, drew blood.

But when all was said and done, there can be only one.

And the best retort to someone who makes a rude, uncalled for and ignorant comment about reading romance is:

I guess the cereal box takes too long to finish. By, Writer and Cat


Also known as MeanKitty!


Which, if you look at her site, isn’t a ginormous shock. She kinda specializes in being snarky and evil. Oh, how I luvs the snarky and evil, my pressccioussss….


Jody! You’re getting a t-shirt. Or your cat is. Not sure.... if it’s the cat, send pictures.

Something to watch.....

....while we figure out who the winner is for the angryromancegrrl contest. This is priceless!

"I'm F*cking Matt Damon"