My least favorite holiday is, without a doubt, the 4th of July.
No—not because I’m unpatriotic. I’m all kinds of patriotic. I freaking bleed red white and blue. Okay, just red. But it’s one of the colors so bite me if you don't belive me.
I hate the 4th because somewhere along the way, the day that is supposed to celebrate our freedom turned into amateur night with explosives. Much like New years is amateur night for drinkers and Valentines is amateur night for romance. But I digress…
Don't get me wrong, I like fireworks. I like PLANNED fireworks. Lights Music. A pretty. A great fireworks show is a thing of beauty!.
Face it, the fireworks that continue until 3AM are not planned. There is no music. No lights. Just explosions. And most people (myself included) should not be allowed to play with anything that can blow their hands off. Face it, add a few beers and they think their skin is freaking steel. It’s not. Nope. Every July 5th, you read about some moron who managed to blow his hand off. My guess is the last words prior to such idiocy is something like:
1) Watch this. It’ll be cool
2) I don't think it's lit
3) Let me hold it
And then…bang. To quote Armageddon (an end of the world by asteroid with questionable acting but loads of fun so I like it) "Your wife's gonna be opening your ketchup bottles the rest of your life.
2 comments:
You have to wonder what is wrong with people. When is it EVER a good idea to hold explosives? And how much alcohol does it take to counter the instinct of "this thing on fire will likely go BANG!"? I don't think I've ever been, nor will ever be, THAT drunk.
we had some idiots around here shooting off what had to be M-100s or better. It sounded like a f'n explosion going off in our backyard. Heard a rumor it broke a neighbor's window (but she's kinda psycho so don't really know if it's true or not). All I know is that they were LOUD! Our poor neighbor had to keep his dog tranquilized for three days prior to the 4th because of all the idiots shooting off fireworks.
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