Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve been dating via the Internet for a while now. I’ve met some nice men. Not so nice men. Etc. But the ones that fascinate me are the lying liars who lie.
I met one man at match.com—the internet equivalent to clubbing but that’s a whole nother’ story. We agree to meet in downtown DC. He’s shorter than he said but that’s typical. Many women knock ten pounds off their weight in their profiles and most men add two inches. So that wasn’t a big deal. He seemed nice enough so we go to a bar to have a drink and chat.
Check the following conversation.
Him:“Do you smoke?”
Me:(after I pick my jaw off the floor) “No! Do you?”
Him: “Uh, yes. But everyone lies about that in their profile.”
Me: “No they don’t!” My voice get’s higher here. Now ‘only dog’s can hear it' high but it went up an octave
Him-laughing: “Well, that’s the worst lie I told.”
Me. I hesitate. Pick up my jaw again: "You mean there’s more?”
No answer
Me: “Well, as long as you’re divorced.”
Loooooonnnnnnnggg silence
Me: “You’re not divorced yet, are you?”
Him: “No, But I’ve been separated for a really long time.”
Oh. My. God. What a trainwreck! At this point, I have a choice. I can storm off in an indignant but righteous huff or...I can make him pay. Hmmm. What to do what to do...
He is so buying me dinner.
Me: “Let’s just have dinner and we’ll see what’s what.”
I order everything and while I don’t pay in money, I do pay. He spends the entire meal staring at my breasts. What an asshat.
Dinner ends (thank God!). He walks me to my car.
Him: "Would you like to come back to my boat?" The oogling told me what he really wanted.
Me staring in disbelief. “I am not having sex with you. Ever.”
Him: "It wouldn’t be sex. It would be making love.”
Seriously. He said that. Do I look new?
Me: “Does that line work. Ever?”
I turned and left him standing on the sidewalk.
Lesson learned? I can only hope so but I doubt it. Next!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
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4 comments:
OMG what an idiot. I hope the food was good!
BTW, I bought Breathless yesterday. I was so excited to see you on the shelf again! (Not that it was a surprise, I went looking for it.) :)
Too bad you weren't in the bar drinking when he said the make love line. That would have been a great spit take moment--right in his face : )
OMG, I would have died of barfness. Asshat doesn't even begin to describe THAT.
OMG....I so needed that laugh! What an f-wad. Wonder if he realizes how lucky he was that you walked away. He'd have been one hurtin' pup had you REALLY been pissed off. hahahahahahahahah God help me, I don't ever want to end up on your bad side.
Remind me to tell you about the sister of the guy I work with and how she broke her hand on a guy's jaw after he didn't quite understand the meaning of "get lost".
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